So this is what growing up feels like? So this is how it takes away from one; the sting of excitement and replaces it with a truck load of responsibilities and planning? So this is how slowly Instagram and the idea of sharing too much of once life on the “social space” becomes more of a cringe than a “Blood-Rush” of excitement? So this is what it feels like to be grown up… Suffice to say.. that I am not ready.
All my life I have been scared of these moments.. Moments at which I would lose myself in search of Happ’Y’ness or should I simply say- a better life.. Moments at which my goals would be streamlined from the many plenty ideas running through my head.. to but a few critical and revised ones.. ALL directed to my future.. But Holl up a second.. why! Wait! Whats going on here JdB? Where is the Pause Button.. I am not Ready :(
I knew one day the confusions would drop.. I knew one day there would be more clarity in my head! Hell! I have chased these days of my life all be it since the year 2014.. slowly but daily hoping I will get to these moments.. moments when I will be the Pilot of my own fears.. dictator of my own doubts.. and chairman of my own irrational council of thoughts.. and lo.. Behold! Those long sought after days are upon me.. and all I can say is; I am not ready.
I was privileged to talk to an old time lady crush from Nigeria a few days back! Omo! Talking to her alone showed me that of a truth I had grown.. cause at a time yeah Gang.. I wanted her attention so so much.. back then.. craving for a date that would blow my mind.. and alas!! Alas I had her full attention- albeit on but Social Media.. But I had it still! And here I was.. far away from her.. unable to reach and cherish her beauty physically.. unable to look into her eyes and draw wisdom.. unable to maybe kiss or just admire her beautiful Red Lipstick that always blew my mind. So this I compare to life.. to should I say.. “growing up”. You see Gang.. we only have so much time as young people.. young adults.. so don’t wait! Do what ever you want to do! And do it now. **deep sigh.. I am not ready :(
A couple of days ago yeah.. when it was one of my many moments of trying to boil up or should I say “Burn Up” food AKA my many many concussions that I eat here.. it hit me as I was in the kitchen.. that GOD willing yeah.. I will be 25 in a couple of months! To say these scared me is to put it mildly et kindly.. 25! Really? And here I was with Little experience on life.. Dating.. sex et al.. lol. Looking forward on my mind map has made me realize that I had little or no time to learn the things I “don’t” know.. and do the things I “haven’t” done. Suffice to say.. I fear mid life Crisis. Oh Snap! I am STILL not Ready :(
Growing up is one of the scariest of things to me.. not because I am afraid to age.. nahhh.. Far from it… but simply because I am afraid to lose myself. But here I am on the verge of Maturity.. slowly 'missing in Action' before my very own eyes :(.. so again I iterate… If this is what growing up feels like.. I am sooo not ready! but hey!! Since we all have to do this “Growing Up” Thingy.. I should as well get to growing.. Hence wake up.. smell the coffee.. and get at it! cause Ready or not 25 and beyond.. here I come.